If you’re this deep into my blog, it’s evident by now that sports aren’t just a hobby of mine, they’re a way of life. I can spit out the most bogus statistics, list off entire rosters and I own just as many jerseys as I do t-shirts. Despite all the knowledge I carry, however, I can’t seem to get Courtney, my girlfriend, on the same page.
After almost ten full months of dating and countless ‘teaching lessons,’ she still struggles incredibly hard to understand how different leagues are organized, why scoring metrics differ in certain situations and more than anything, identifying players.
While this isn’t a deal breaker by any means, it can be a little frustrating when she bombards me with questions while I’m trying to focus on a game. Or worse than that, when she gets overly animated about something she deep down, really doesn’t even comprehend.
I know I can’t be the only guy in this situation, so I thought it might be relatable if I were to share just a few of the instances where I was “disappointed” for lack of a better term.
- First and foremost, Courtney cannot seem to grasp what city a team is based out of, or even what sport they play. We’ve started playing a “game” where I list a city/state and sports league; her job is simply to guess the correct mascot. She’s getting a little better, but 75% of the time I end up giving her multiple options to choose from and even then, it’s a shot in the dark.
- Since she has a hard time remembering teams, it should come as no surprise that conferences perplex the living hell out of her. I’ve been able to help her digest the ACC to some degree, but outside of that it’s a lost cause. Maybe one day she’ll be able to recall that the Panthers are a part of the NFC South, a subdivision of the National Football Conference. And maybe one day, I’ll be realistic.
- You would think that as a student at UNC, she has to at least know basketball pretty well, right? Wrong. The other day, as we were watching the Tar Heels face Florida State in the ACC Tournament, she was verbally abusing Kerwin Walton through the television. I asked her why she didn’t like him and her response was something along the lines of, “He’s so bad.” At that point I told her that he had converted on three consecutive three-point jumpers and was the primary reason we were, temporarily, in the lead. She was pretty quiet going forward.
- Courtney had an epiphany while watching the Florida State match-up as well. For the longest time, she was unsure of why players sometimes got to shoot three foul shots, as opposed to one or two. After R.J. Davis was fouled shooting a three, I explained to her that a player got as many free throws as would be awarded if they were to make the attempted shot. It was as if a light bulb went off in her head and suddenly, the rules of basketball made sense.
- Football season has been over for quite some time, but while the Panthers and Tar Heels were still taking the field we tended to watch most games alongside one another. One aspect of the game that she still can’t wrap her head around is why the clock sometimes stops. I have repeatedly explained to her that anytime a pass is incomplete or a penalty flag is thrown, there will be no runoff. To this day, it doesn’t click. I can’t imagine trying to explain the under two-minute rule.
- Pass interference is another regulation that leaves her dumbfounded. She’s so clueless that I once asked her to explain it and she started rambling about baseball. Most recently, she argued that pass interference takes place when a defensive player hits the ball out of the air too hard, a response to which I just shook my head. At least she knows it involves a pass and the defense, I guess.
- When it comes to baseball, she’s actually somewhat knowledgeable, perhaps because there are so few rules and the ones that do exist are easy to follow. I was caught off guard though when I asked her why teams bunt and she came up with the perfect response. ‘I don’t really know but I would assume that it’s to get the player from one base to the next,” she said, “especially if the player isn’t a good hitter.” I was shocked but I have to celebrate the little wins.
- One last topic of confusion for her is how an umpire decides to call a ball or a strike from the plate; and, in her defense, it is a pretty valid question. After all, missed strikes and bad balls have become such an issue in the MLB that they have even considered an automated strike zone. However, when I tried to explain that the strike zone shifts for every ump, she was utterly lost. It had never occurred to her that what one “blue” calls a strike may be classified as a ball in other officials’ eyes and for that reason in particular, pitchers must be knowledgeable on an umpire’s zone before taking the mound.
If the examples above weren’t enough to convince you, let me just throw out some smaller anecdotes that irritate me more than anything.
- She wears my vintage Atlanta Braves sweatshirt constantly, but still can’t tell you the last time they won a World Series, even though it’s literally right under her nose.
- As a long time Panthers fan, there are few players that I consider to be on the same pedestal as Cam Newton and she, for some reason, insists that he was “trash” despite all of his accomplishments.
- After a full season of play, I have STILL yet to hear her accurately pronounce the names of Walker Kessler or Kerwin Walton, even though I correct her time and time again.
- Her favorite player on the Braves roster is Dansby Swanson, not because of his defense at shortstop or hitting ability, but because of his good looks.
The list goes on and as much as it hurts me to know that she may never reach my level of comprehension, it is comforting to know that she’s trying to grasp the complicated world of sports for me. Regardless of how many times I need to explain a rule or remind her of a player’s name, I will consider myself lucky to have a girl who cares about my passions. She’s willing to watch any game with me and at the end of the day, that’s all that truly matters.
Stanley out.
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